Things Happen For a Reason, my dear

How are you today, Ras?

pasti ada maknanya, Ras =)

Hehe... It's almost always the end of the day when I manage to write something in this blog. Hmm.. Especially because I can write a wrap up story about my day, which is.. not so important for others, as I always being sentimental about myself, my feelings, just me. Thank you for being such a loner inside, Ras.

Okay, so here it is. I got scolded by Mom, for doing NOTHING to help household chores while she's taking her grandson for a walk. Well, I tried to be quiet as possible and just do what she said after. It's like, I wish she would tell me, or ordered me around in a specific task to finish, instead of just expecting me to read her mind and just do anything that is "common sense" things that need to be done. For instance like, maybe she could tell me specifically before she left, that I need to wash the dishes, clean the floor, distribute the folded laundries, etc. Just tell me specifically, what needs to be done. I had enough of this kind of expectation for the rest of my life and I still can't get used to it. She thought that I was supposed to be aware enough what to do without being told. But I'm sorry, I'm not that smart to read everything, especially when I feel like I need to comfort myself all the time. Even before this situation of being single again. Ever since I'm younger, I already felt this way so it's not much change, just that now I don't talk back. I try my best not to. Because it would just do no good to explain myself why I need her to explain and told me exactly what to do.

So I try to bear with it. Listen to her and just do what she wants me to. It won't kill. It just made me a bit sad inside when I heard her high tone. But I'm getting used to it. My mom is getting older and dealing with older people takes more patience than people of the same age. I guess so.

And uhmm... for about these two days, I was immersed in watching a last year Korean drama called "Marriage Contract". At first it doesn't look as that good, but then, hmm.. I tried to continue since I wonder what will happen with the setting of single mom of one daughter happen to eavesdrop her boss talking about a marriage contract for a liver transplant donor. She was desperate to get money since her late husband died at a very young age leaving huge amount of debts.

Then, I managed to finish watching and smiling all the way to the very end. It was good. Good enough to make me dream again that I might have another chance of such romance. But I don't wish the sad part, though, hahaaa...

It was told that the main character, the mother of a daughter, named Hye Soo, was diagnosed with a brain tumor. I surely remember my brother who happen to have the same disease, but I still can't sympathize more to my brother, though. She kept this secret all by herself through the episodes until it got worse and worse. Okay, so the main idea was about having marriage contract for organ selling. Ji Hoon, the main male character, was willing to paid even a large amount of money for the donor since he himself can't be a donor. Other members of the family unwilling to help so he was thinking of finding a donor and put her as his fake wife in a marriage contract. Hye Soo was in need of money to pay off his late husband's debts, and they met, somehow, and made that contract.

As time goes by, they studied each other's background to get deeper into the role so that the hospital would believe that they are real couple. In short, those interactions and other conflicts caused by people around them ... hmmm.. well, they eventually fall for each other. Ah, I'm not good at telling it -___-#

It's just that, I love the way their feeling progress. It was fake at first, then when the contract end, they surely need to divorce, since it's part of the agreement. But then, it's funny to see how Ji Hoon tried to delay it. He told her to meet him in the High Court at 12pm, but then saying that the official might be having a lunch break at that time, then they should get their lunch as well. After that, he asked her to watch movie together since it's their last time  as a couple. Hye Soo somehow agreed, and the go watching comedy but he kept looking at her, watching how her hands trembled, as part of the tumor symptoms. He looked sadly but tried his best to hide it from her. Then, using another excuses, he asked her to take a walk slowly before they finally submit the documents. Hahahaaa.... So this is what a couple do when they actually don't want to part but somehow has to part because of the situation. Sooooo different from a real life, when a couple was meant to divorce. I laughed at myself at this episode, on how I relate it to myself that it just took one of the party to file the case. No need to explain further about myself, though. Too much 'baper' inside, hohoooo... Okay, so eventually, they both stamped the divorce paper, but Ji Hoon tore it apart. WOW... cool.

He loved her deeply, despite knowing that she might not life for long. He loved her daughter as if she's his own daughter. I know this is just a drama and definitely a fiction. It's just that, even a single mom can fall in love again, and find a good guy to take care of her and her daughter. He accepted her unconditionally, stay by her side, and just, loving her with all his might. Wow.

good guy only happen in drama =)

I am well aware of that. It's just that now, I should be happy with my life, as being able to live is a bless from Allah for me. Thanks for being born. Thanks for being... just being. I need to learn how to be strong, to face challenges and unpleasant things as something normal, no need to overreact by complaining or wish for things to be easier for me in life. It's the best I can have for now. I can be happy with whatever situation I encounter. I need to be able to do so. To be honest, I'm not ready for another relationship, though. Feels it might be too sudden. Visions of the court sometimes appear and the feeling it brought, having to queue from 6.30am while the first court session would only start at 9am, the feeling of waiting, and watching so many people were there, nah, it's like haunting. Still, need time to let go of such memories. I'm not clinging to haunt myself from such memories, it's just, *sigh* nah, being in another married means opening another risk to another separation. Of course no one get married with the intention of breaking up after some periods of time. They all might wish for an everlasting love, happily ever after, happy and sad we're always together, such a thing.

Hmm... I deserve to be happy. I deserve to enjoy the moment of my life. Worry about things in a proportional way, not to dramatize or being over-worried about things that hasn't happened yet. It's okay. People made mistakes in their life. Everyone did. But you never know what awaits you in the future. There might be a bright rainbow after the rain. Keep being a good person, despite how hard life might tried to hit you. Things happen for a reason.

Yeah, things happen for a reason.

someday!

Hye Soo was having a tough life after hes husband died, leaving her with a newborn baby girl and huge debts. She managed to survive until she grew up to be a pretty 7 years old girl. Her parents died when she was young, not much relatives to help her. Well, at least in my case, I live with both my parents so I need not to worry over financial things or having a place to stay, a place to provide me with good foods, and people to take care of my son when I couldn't even handle myself in a proper way.

I'm blessed. Yet I don't know what's bothering my mind now. I'm all fine, though. Far better than Hye Soo. So what, am I expecting to meet someone like Ji Hoon at the moment? Nah, not exactly. He wasn't a good guy in the earlier episodes due to having family issues of being born as the second son from a mistress. His father was like, disregarding his mom, and his mom still clings to a man who abandon her. She had a liver problem and need a transplant surgery but always refuse it. Gosh... troublesome -___-# actually, it was soooo tiring to watch the side story of this drama. But to sum it up, it makes sense on how the story progress.

It's a nice drama to watch. Good guy only happen in drama =) real guy is like, well, good guy exist, though. Somewhere over the rainbow maybe.

I sound pessimistic, don't I? Nah, let me be. It's not the right time to wander for a new love to heal a broken heart. It's NOT like I still like my ex. Not at all, my dear. I tried to wish him a good new start, though, with a little hope that he got the taste of his own medicine=) in a way that he will never forget for the rest of his life.

But then, the same prayer could come back to me so, I better only pray for good things for him. He's my son's father after all. Yeah, I need to put my mind to think that way.

Time to go=) enough reporting for today. Alhamdulillah.